Like what you see, do you?
Our History... and Landmarks!
Guys, we've already GOT a history page. Rename it it "Landmarks".
Curious about what you can find in the Utilitarian Meadows? Look no further than this webpage! Brush up on some of our most iconic landmarks and get a glimpse as to why we love it so!
You're getting there with the pictures, finally.
Showing the welcome centre really does wonders, it'll draw them in to see that, the centre of the swamp also does some good, like that big crater (?) or the Theo plushies.
Why did you feel the need to talk about the plague? Mention the lack of flies and hazardous plants or predators to let them know that is this place safe? Same with the whole threat; there are ways to encourage purchases that aren't threats!
Theocratic Marsh
A true novel beauty of the unconventional sort!
This majestic landscape is a wonder to nature with a meaning behind the name to support our claim and turn it into fact.
During the fateful Black Death, a new religion in our quaint village was able to take root and grant upon us a miracle. Cast out from their homes by the delirious naysayers of the common world, the followers of the Astounder of the Keys held their faith for their keeper wholeheartedly. When our ancestors let them into our homes they most certainly resigned to death, not believing they had a hope of escaping the inevitable demise of the life they had supported for so long. The guests did not impose, instead building a small settlement in the unexplored swampland where they held onto hope. They carried nought for building but timbers from whence they came and a sapling donning a curious cap not dissimilar to that of a dunce. Within hours of their arrival, the sickness’ fatal elements ceased! Although the town was inflicted with suffering, they could slowly begin to eat and meet once more. Within twenty-six days of their arrival, and no one to see them on their request, the Plague vanished! As a gift, we granted them the right to live wherever they wished for curing our ailments, but they declined, wishing to remain in the swamp, preferring to name it what it is to this day. However. They left another gift; a straw bauble with the visage of a quaint little frog bearing a cap and an apparition resembling what we associate as a “typewriter”! Along with it was a warning: any who dare explore their lord’s territory must carry a symbol of excellence such as the artefact, lest they lose themselves, and to never say words of ill intent in his domain lest the letters be taken from their tongues!
Feel free to pick up a Theo the Frog stuffy from the vendor at the Theocratic Marshlands today!
Andre and Co. Department Store
No better way to fill your family’s bellies like the cold cut steaks, veggies, fruits, candies, waste, sodas, or endless yields for the entire year at the most affordable prices available only in our town! Andre and his family have been providing all of the essential nutrients and sweets for well over eighty* years! Show him some affection with whatever you can give him!
Why do you feel the need to advertise Andre's? It's a convenience store, maybe the locals will be satisfied seeing it but visitors won't really care. At least put it at the bottom of the list to prioritize the tourist attractions.
You did so well with the first one, got the point across. Talking of which I added something extra over there. By the by why does Andre look different in this picture?
*Hundred
Real jerks trample on the grass... Joanne was a piece of Jaime Liver, a mate, until scum dug up their flesh and roots. Now, you can hear their screams when you pluck the grass; not Joanne's, the butchers'.
You are all
Friends of Joanne
A beloved member of our community stolen from us too soon. They were kind souls who adored the company of any who would give them the time of day and any who offended them were not welcome to stay by their side. This memorial is placed on a grand platform overlooking the lush, green fields they spent their days looking after… It is said that if you listen carefully you can hear the grass sing. If you remove a blade and make a wish, it is also said you will live a long life with the chance of your dream coming true, but it must be pure as not to harm our friends' memory or you will become grass waiting to be plucked.
TITLE!
Project Name
Apple orchards? You bet! We have well over 16 acres and have kept this tradition going since the 60s!
Henriette and Fay really outdid themselves with this one and provided such beautiful and impeccably tasty and juicy apples. They grow faster than any other in the world and are guaranteed to put a smile on your face, but we know not all the family or friends want to pick them, so we have pre picked batches prepared for pickup at the main entrance or at Andre’s in town!
We have a little secret from Henriette that’ll interest y’all.
Listenin’?
You look lovely today.
That’s right, we got afterhours entertainment!
Pleasure yourself with the finest apple cider and decadent apple pie! ADULTS ONLY!
*Kids can get pies at the Barn from 8:00 AM to 10:00 PM
WHAT THE FUCK!?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? How could you think that picture would be appropriate!? I'm almost certain that shit is illegal! Whoever has a fetish for corpses should resign and fuck off!
You're overreacting, Alex, decomposition is natural! The guests will have no idea what you're talking about anyway :/ so stop bothering them, please?
Nothing here, move along.
What the hell? That wasn't there before where did you come from!? How didn't I see you?
Look, we're not all that fond of being mocked by you when all we've been doing was making a website to bring more people over. Please be quiet.
I can hear your voices! How is that possible!? Why are you so loud? I was only doing my job you can't punish me for that! How are you guys doing this!?
We're connected, which you and you will be if you just come on back to Utilitarian Meadows. They can't hear us until they come, but you already live here, Alex.